Delete This Policy

Below is the text of a commentary that aired February 13, 2003, on WWNO in New Orleans. Efforts are underway to add the actual audio version to the site.

I've noticed something odd in the stories about corporate scandals that continue to fill the business pages. The other day I read about a note that was attached to a presentation to managers of the controversial conglomerate Tyco, about the details of its aggressive accounting tactics. The handwritten note said: "I would strongly recommend NEVER to put this in writing." Right after that I read about an email that a J.P. Morgan banker sent to a colleague, who had expressed surprise at some of the bookkeeping habits of their client, Enron. That note said: "Shut up and delete this email."

What to make of these insiders who managed to leave behind proof of their obsession with leaving behind no proof? I guess they felt it was perfectly safe to "talk" amongst themselves about their more creative efforts to utilize mark to market accounting, or get their kids into the 92nd Street Y, or whatever. But I think maybe their internal communication policies need what Citibank's Sandy Weill might call "a fresh look."

Their biggest communication problem, it seems to me, is that they communicated too much. So I have some advice. My first bit of wisdom for the corporate masters of the universe would be to shut up. Listen honchos: If you see that your firm is recommending a stock that you believe is "a piece of junk," you're probably better off keeping that opinion to yourself. If you're downgrading a stock to help a client win an internal power struggle, don't tell anybody. You might be tempted to use euphemisms, opaque jargon, and code phrases — like a "a fresh look," actually. Just don't.

But I guess the executive class can't stop communicating altogether, so how should they do it? Muttering? Hand signals? Some clever wall-tapping variation on Morse Code borrowed from Hogan's Heroes?

No, that's all too risky. I recommend meaningful glances.

Allow me to demonstrate. If you want to let a subordinate know "I'm getting daily hate-mail from our brokers and I may be having a nervous breakdown," look at her like this. If you want to make your boss understand that your dishonest statements to the press will be good for the firm's Q4 earnings, try this look. If a colleague needs to be aware that the CEO of a company whose IPO you're underwriting is a dangerous lunatic, look at him like so. Finally, whenever you need to let anyone know that everything you've just said was in fact a lie, give them this look.

Got it?

I realize that certain aspects of this new policy may seem to fly in the face of what lots of the big management-guru types have to say about the importance of clear communication. But frankly, I think corporate America has been listening to those people long enough.

I'd like to share the thoughts of a real New Paradigm kind of guy, former Louisiana Governor Earl Long. He once said: "Don't write anything you can phone. Don't phone anything you can talk face-to-face. Don't talk anything you can smile. Don't smile anything you can wink. And don't wink anything you can nod." I can only add, "Don't email anything."

But amen, Earl — our public companies would probably be in a lot less trouble today if they had operated more like Louisiana politicians. Those guys never go to prison. Well. Almost never.